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Grief does not follow a timetable. After losing someone we love, there may be days when getting out of bed feels difficult, ordinary places suddenly bring painful memories, or a familiar song can bring tears without warning. For many people, these experiences gradually become easier to carry. But sometimes grief becomes so intense or persistent that it begins to interfere with everyday life.
That does not mean someone is grieving “wrong”. It may mean they need more support.
There is no single correct way to grieve. The NHS explains that grief can involve shock, numbness, sadness, crying and other emotional and physical reactions, and people can experience these feelings differently.
In many communities, particularly where family, religious and cultural traditions play a major role in mourning, people may receive considerable support immediately after a death. Relatives visit, meals are provided, prayers are held and friends check in.
The difficult part can come later, when everyone returns to normal life but the bereaved person is still struggling.
A person may continue functioning at work while privately feeling emotionally exhausted. Someone may stop answering calls, avoid places connected with the deceased or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. These changes deserve attention, particularly when they continue to affect relationships, work, sleep or basic daily responsibilities.
The important question is not simply, “How long have you been grieving?” It is also, “What is this grief doing to your life?”
The American Psychiatric Association recognises Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) as a mental health condition in the DSM-5-TR. For adults, the diagnosis involves persistent, disabling grief at least 12 months after the death, including intense yearning or preoccupation with the deceased.
The World Health Organization’s ICD-11 uses a somewhat different framework, recognising prolonged grief after an atypically long period, generally at least six months, when the response clearly exceeds what would normally be expected within the person’s cultural, social or religious context.
This difference matters because grief should never be judged by a calendar alone.
Professional help may be particularly appropriate when someone:
A person does not need to wait until they meet every symptom of a disorder before asking for help.
Seeking therapy does not mean trying to “forget” the person who died. Good grief treatment is about helping someone process the loss while gradually rebuilding the ability to live, connect with others and imagine a future.
Research increasingly supports this approach.
A 2025 systematic review published in the Journal of Affective Disorders examined 30 randomised controlled trials involving psychological treatments for prolonged grief. According to the review, grief-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) was the most consistently supported approach, with evidence that it can be delivered individually, in groups and through internet-based programmes.
A 2024 randomised clinical trial published in JAMA Psychiatry followed 100 adults with prolonged grief disorder. Researchers found that both grief-focused CBT and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy reduced symptoms, but CBT produced a greater reduction in prolonged grief symptoms six months after treatment.
Another systematic review and network meta-analysis published in 2025 analysed 40 studies involving 4,566 participants. According to the researchers, effective psychological treatments commonly included elements such as cognitive-behavioural strategies, exposure, social support and rebuilding the person’s understanding of life after loss.
These findings are encouraging because they show that severe grief is not something people necessarily have to endure indefinitely.
The first step may be as simple as talking to a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor or appropriately trained grief therapist.
A professional can help determine whether someone is experiencing expected bereavement, prolonged grief, depression, anxiety, trauma or a combination of problems. These conditions can overlap, which is why self-diagnosis can sometimes be misleading. A 2024 clinical review in the New England Journal of Medicine also highlights the importance of distinguishing prolonged grief from other mental health conditions.
Support does not always have to begin with formal therapy. A trusted relative, faith leader, bereavement group or community support service can provide an important first layer of care. However, the World Health Organization notes that support groups are not substitutes for professional help when more specialised care is needed.
One of the most damaging ideas about grief is that asking for professional help means a person is weak or has failed to cope.
It is often the opposite.
Grief changes a person’s life because someone important is no longer there. Healing does not mean erasing that relationship. It means learning how to carry the loss without allowing it to consume every part of life.
If grief has become unbearable, if daily functioning has collapsed, or if someone is experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, professional or emergency mental-health support should be sought urgently.
There is no prize for suffering silently. Sometimes the strongest step a grieving person can take is simply to say: “I need help carrying this.”
